Friday, February 28, 2020

Don't mind them

"Don't mind them" these words translated from Yoruba are the words my mother will say to me each time I came to her with complaints from detractors. She would say "ma da won loun" which literally means "don't answer them" but figuratively means "don't mind them".

The first time she said those words to me was after service on one bright and beautiful Sunday morning, I had worn my favourite dress and one and a half-inch heel covered shoe, I was so radiant and my confidence could be felt miles away. I think I had just gotten my Common Entrance result and I was too happy to be bothered by anything in the world.

I bounced gallantly to pre-teen church for Sunday school and I am sure my teacher must have felt the confidence radiating within me, she asked me to pray for people who were not feeling too fine and she did allocate the other prayer points to the other folks in the class, I was to go first, so after saying the thanksgiving prayers I  began saying these words "Father Lord, please heal all those that are ill".  Immediately she said "stop Rotimi", in my pre-teen mind I thought I had prayed amiss alas brothers and sisters in Christ that was the day I knew I had the Yoruba H-Factor, my Sunday school teacher asked me to repeat myself after saying the same thing 5 times but it was still not right in her ears, she asked someone else to pray, the smart girl said, "God please make all the sick people well". The prayers went round and service finished as it should.

My confidence began to dwindle and I was not having it, however, I wasn't going to let that slip so when I got home that day, I told my mum what had happened and she said: "ma da won loun". You see initially I will think much of these things but then having h-factor doesn't mean I will fail an English test, or my prayers won't be answered. My teacher well understood what my prayer was but she was not pleased with my pronunciation of the words heal and ill.

The truth is, I cannot change my Yoruba H-factor, you wouldn't even know I had it if no words beginning with 'H' had to be said in our conversations. Most of my folks strongly believe I have a foreign accent, a story for another day.

In reality, we all have imperfections that are really negligible as they don't dent the fabric of our personality and so if someone tries to call you out on your perfect imperfections please don't mind them. 

Friday, February 21, 2020

Delayed gratification

As a child, I often kept my chocolate bar, cookie or snack till later. I would bring it out like a treasured jewel when others had finished theirs and long-forgotten they were candies given. It always felt like a treasure of some sort when I brought mine out, I would usually do this in grand style and I will begin to nimble it slowly with panache, I am sure all that did spite the fast, non-patient eaters. I know this is more like self-delayed gratification but from these childhood experience I realized how much it meant to save now and enjoy later,

Photo by from Pexels

I did practise this with my secondary school served meals as well as I did not like certain foods, however, I had to eat then during agro period (A week or two to visiting days when you out of provisions) and I always used the meat on my meal as a gratification to be enjoyed later after my meal. The meat was usually fried fish or beef. I would eat this last and nimble on it slowly so the juices slowly burst into my mouth. Back then I used the meat as a reward for eating the not so delicious and appetizing meals we got served. Over the years I have used this method in real-life cases like studying so hard, being diligent at work and what have you. 

I know it is never easy to work for so long and not get some sort of reward or recognition, but eventually, this things come and when it does, it just feels right you would be feeling like a young child eating a chocolate cookie when others had finished theirs. You will be glad you waited as you will be greatly rewarded. 

 "Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Delayed gratification could also be when you work hard in school or at work and the result you get is not immediate but it eventually comes in good grades or promotion and recognition. Sometimes you would have forgotten you worked so hard for the rewards you are getting. Those beautiful and bountiful rewards eventually come and you will be glad you did not hurry or take short cuts. 

I will like to leave with this eventually your cookie is going to be yours it's been handed to you by the creator. It might not be in your reach now but it definitely not out of your reach. 

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Lessons from my biology class

It takes two to tango is an idiom that I have heard since I was little child, it made more sense in my late teen years and early adult life as I have seen that it takes two people who are intentional to make a relationship work.

When I say relationship here, I don't mean only love-relationship, I mean all kinds of relationship that we have from family to friendship to the relationship at work or church and so on and so forth. Where ever and however the interaction might come about we need to be deliberate and intentional. 

I have put all the different relationships I have had into two broad groups. I have done this based on lessons from my biology class in secondary school. I know there are a lot more than two types of ecological relationships but from my understanding of humans, I have come to the conclusion that our relationships are either parasitic or mutually symbiotic. I will explain further:

I. A relationship is parasitic when only one person or party does the work of building, watering, celebrating, sharing information and what have you while the other person or party just benefit from all of these and fails to reciprocate. This folk or these folks would zap and keep zapping and taking without ever giving back or returning the favour. In this instance, the first person can be referred to as the host while the other person is a parasite.

II. However, in a mutually symbiotic relationship both parties do the work and mutually benefit from the relationship, no one feels left out as the work of building the relationship is on the shoulders of both parties and not relegated to only one party. Everyone involved is usually intentional about growth and I will say this is the kind of relationship I'd like. 

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."Morrie Schwartz, from Tuesdays with Morrie

I want to have friends who will go all out for me like I will for them, I don't want to feel like the host or parasite as it may, in my friendship, relationship, family, workplace, church and wherever it is I will be. Sometimes we enjoy being the parasite because we are getting all the goodies that we didn't work and that's a nice place to be but not for so long, as overtime our host will get worn out like the host from the parasitic relationship in biology class. So what do we do find another host?

Let's not be the person that would only come around when they need to zap, be the person that is always there. I hope we grow in our relationships and have mutually beneficial relationships henceforth. 

Happy Valentine.

Thursday, February 6, 2020

Walk the talk with your AP

I have been caught in conversations where people are sharing their goals, dreams, plans and what have you and many times I am also prompted to share my two cents. 

Sometimes I get too carried away at that moment and I say things I ought not to like plans I have not prayed about or figured how it would be executed. It is all beautiful to talk and dream of what those things could be like when achieved yeah? However, the real work is getting on your feet and putting your acts together to get that desired results, even more, surpassing your initial goal. I love to challenge myself by talking so that someone can pick something I have said and call me to action if I am flopping or dragging my foot rather putting my best foot forward. 

The amazing thing, about having such conversations with people who care and desire growth for you, is that they will hold you accountable to things you said you were working on or will work on, sometimes they could help you if you are stuck. I have been blessed with awesome folks who take it to heart to check on my success and my growth. It is because of such calls, messages and reminders from these special humans, that I continually strive to be better and walk the talk. 

Do you have people in your life who hold you accountable? Do you know people who strive to be better and ensure you are not left behind? These folks are a little bit more than friends, I'll love to call them accountability peers (AP), who hold me to my word and ensure to check on my progress as I reciprocate.

They are divine and amazing and in doing so they are not comparing or creating an envious avenue that makes you uncomfortable in whatsoever way. They are growing as you are growing, moreover, they are doing it with sincerity and pureness of heart. They are not paid to do so but they do, they are doing and will still do, right?

I love my APs and I am glad I have them in my life if you do have them, please cherish them and If you don't have them please get them. You can also try to be an AP to someone and before you know it you will have a good number of APs yourself.